26th July

So, this is going to be my last blog for a week or so, as I'm off to Berlin for a week. I'll continue the Premier League assessment when I get back with 7th place West Ham (more separate Liverpool content coming at some point). So today, where to start, Stoke or England? This is gonna be a long one...

STOKE

Stoke seem to have found their spiritual home in the Premier League, as they finished 9th for the third successive season under Mark Hughes. Sparky seems to have done wonders for the club, and with the rate that everyone else around them is progressing, the likes of West Ham and Leicester catapulting themselves up the table and the fact that there are now at least six mega-clubs in the Premier League, finishing 9th represents another very good season for a club that have been major Premier League mainstays for a while now. They're a classic example of why Pulis is a good springboard manager - get the team into and keep them in the Premier League for enough time that they can start to get settled and established, and then hand them over to someone else to build on the basics. 

On paper, Stoke are an odd case. They scored less goals than Newcastle and Sunderland, they conceded more than anyone outside the bottom five and their goal difference is worse than anyone except Bournemouth and the three relegated sides. This kind of performance would expect to see them 15th, not 9th. But there's a reason that that's skewed slightly, as Stoke lost by some big margins late in the season, losing three games in a row in April to Liverpool, City and Spurs and shifting 12 goals in the process, along with similarly heavy defeats to Leicester and United earlier in the season. 

But overall, this was a good year for Stoke. They got off to a tough start, and it took them until the end of September to win their first game, with three draws and three defeats in a harsh start that included Liverpool, Arsenal, Spurs and Leicester. But once they beat Bournemouth, their season took off. Back to back victories against Swansea and Villa made it three in a row for the Potters, and after dropping points to Watford and Newcastle, November and December proved similarly fruitful, with some high profile victories against Chelsea, United, City, Southampton and Everton over the course of two months, as they picked up sixteen points from eight games. January saw Stoke knocked out of both cups, including penalties in their semi-final to Liverpool, as well as a heavy league defeat against flying Leicester, and they also lost to West Brom. But after heavy defeats at Old Trafford and at home to Everton, Stoke won three on the bounce, turning over Villa, Bournemouth and Newcastle. 

But at this point, they went on their holidays. They beat Watford at the end of March but picked up just one win in their last seven, losing four out of five in the middle of it, the aforementioned hammerings. They did manage to beat West Ham on the final day, to finish ahead of Chelsea and compound the London clubs humiliation. 

So overall, a solid season for Stoke. Not an exceptional one by any means, but a good one. Three less points than the previous year may appear a step backwards, but in the increasingly difficult to navigate middle to top end of the Premier League, that in itself shows that they've improved enough to keep the pace. They'll be disappointed they didn't get a little closer to European football, with the eleven point gap between them and West Ham exacerbated by Stoke's horrendous form in the last couple of months of the season; they were 7th after beating Watford. Their main problems came from high profile injuries to Jack Butland and Ryan Shawcross in the defence, which hampered their progress significantly. Moreover, although they had talent in the attacking areas, Arnautovic was their most consistent goalscorer. Shaqiri showed only flashes of brilliance, tempered by months of inconsistency and Diouf struggled to replicate his goal haul of the previous season, as he, Walters and Bojan shared just seventeen goals between them and Peter Crouch failed to score in the league at all from admittedly very limited appearances. 

In terms of next season? Stoke need to bolster their defence and maybe sign one more goal scorer. But they look well set to repeat their habit of finishing in 9th place, and maybe higher if one or two of the big teams slip up. 

England Destroy Pakistan 

Over the last four days, England have pulled their finger out, and been well and truly dominant against Pakistan. Right from the off, as Cook and Root both scored centuries before tea on Day One, it was clear that England were in complete control and never let up. Root was at the heart of the destruction, scoring an absolutely magnificent 254, but he couldn't have done so without the supporting players. Cook's century was supplemented by runs on Day Two for Bairstow, Stokes and Woakes, who scored fast and assisted Root as he bludgeoned the Pakistan bowlers into submission. 

Forgetting the game situation for a second, Root's innings was absolutely faultless. He left everything he needed to leave, got his defence perfectly sorted, he didn't make the kind of stupid errors that I was faulting him for in the first test. He just did everything right, and he only made one mistake in his whole innings, and that was when he was on 170 odd. It was a perfect display of batting; he played the shots when he needed to, didn't when he didn't, and took one or two risky shots out of the equation, the same shots that got him out at Lords. A lot has been made about England winning the toss, but if Root hadn't made those stupid shots at Lords, England could easily have scored 500 in their first innings there. But they didn't, so it's academic. 

So having set Pakistan 589, England displayed their other huge strength, their complete and utter superiority with the ball. This England bowling line up is genuinely phenomenal. With Broad and Anderson, two of the best if not the best two bowlers in world cricket taking a side step, Chris Woakes once again stepped up taking four wickets, assisted by two each from Moeen Ali and Ben Stokes. This England attack is perfect because it is a team, four seam bowlers who work together, compliment each other and are all genuine wicket takers. Moreover, this creates the feeling amongst batsmen that they have to try and smash Moeen out the park, which means that he inevitably takes wickets, five of them in this test match. 

Pakistan put up limp resistance with the bat, scoring less than 200, as Woakes tore through the top order, and the team did the rest. Stokes took the crucial scalps of Younis Khan and Sarfraz Ahmed, Broad chipped in with the dangerous Shafiq, Ali got the star man Misbah sweeping and Jimmy Anderson cleaned up Masood. Only Misbah's 52 showed resistance, although Wahab Riaz looked more competent than most of Pakistan's batsmen. 

Much has been made of England's decision not to follow on but for me it's really a non-discussion. Either way, there was absolutely no chance of Pakistan batting for two whole days, the equivalent of about 180 overs, and even if England had lost 50 overs to rain, Pakistan would still have had to bat for 135 overs, their longest ever innings to save a match. Not going to happen. So for me it was as much about style of victory as anything else. A lot of people would have preferred to clean out Pakistan inside three days (that wouldn't have happened anyway but still). I had no qualms with England's demoralised, brutalising, Australian style, grinding Pakistan into the dirt. This became apparent on the morning of the fourth day, when Cook and Root went destructive, scoring freely and quickly, plundering 75 runs off just 9 overs, taking less than forty minutes out of the game. Maximum demolition, maximum demoralization, negligible time lost. Pakistan looked tired and frustrated in the field, like they just wanted England to declare.

And when England inevitably did, of course they finished off Pakistan before the end of Day Four anyway, securing a 330 run win. Once again, there was not much fight from Pakistan's middle order, as Younis Khan threw his wicket away chasing Moeen, Misbah played a very odd shot to chop on and Anderson stepped up, dismissing Masood yet again, and getting Azhar Ali and Shafiq plumb LBWs (the latter was an odd one, a very poor on-field decision that England overturned). Moeen, Anderson and the once again impressive Chris Woakes finished with three each, and even Joe Root got a bowl and took a wicket with his second ball, as Pakistan were all out for 234. 

If Lords highlighted all of England's weaknesses (the fragile middle order, the inability to bat hard under pressure, how they still need Anderson in their attack) then Old Trafford highlighted their strengths. In Cook and Root they have two of the world's very best batsman, and both would get into a World XI, as would Anderson and Broad, as England's bowlers showed why they have the best attack in the world, Woakes taking his tally to eighteen over two tests, Moeen chipping in and Stokes adding much needed balance to the side. This is an England team full of genuinely class players, world beaters, and when two or three key individuals show up, they can utterly dominate teams. 

The only negatives are the continued failings of the upper/middle order, as Vince, Ballance and Hales never got going again, and the big injury to Ben Stokes, whose return to the side was a big boost for England, and he will now almost certainly miss the rest of the series. But overall, this was a fantastic display from England. I said before the series started that I fancied England 2-1. and with the series finely poised at 1-1, I am going to say that again now. England massively underperformed at Lords and even then didn't lose by too much. Pakistan's inconsistencies and problems have showed in these two test matches and England are the superior team, which they demonstrated in brutal fashion over the last four days at Old Trafford. There wasn't a single moment where England weren't on top.

The Hard and Fast Section

• Sakho sent home after falling out with Klopp. Worrying.
• Joe Allen confirmed. Wishing him luck. 
• RIP JT McNamara. 
• Looks like the Six Nations will stay in Feb/March.

25th July

Since the test match will be over by tomorrow, I'll blog about it tomorrow morning. For now...Chelsea.

CHELSEA

If you'd told me twelve months ago that I'd be analysing the Premier League from the bottom up and that my eleventh entry in this list, I'd laugh in your face. How on earth could Chelsea finish 10th? They were favourites to win the title for goodness sake! Fourteen months ago they were lifting the Premier League trophy. Chelsea's demise was high-profile, shocking and the story of the opening few months of the season. It's easy to forget, amongst the incredible shock that was Leicester in the back half of the season, that six months previously, the big story was Mourinho's downfall. His first major high profile failure. He lost the dressing room, lost the supporters, it was an absolutely mad start to the season for Chelsea. 

Much had been made in 2014/15 of Chelsea's incredible defence, how Mourinho was a defensive manager, and how well organised Chelsea were. But right from the off this wasn't the case in 15/16. Chelsea's defence got off to a bad start, dropping points at home to Swansea on the opening day, with Thibaut Courtois getting sent off. But the real danger signs, that were present in this result, came when fellow title challengers (if we can even call Chelsea that since they were never in the title race once the season actually began) Man City battered them 3-0, a game in which City were utterly dominant. 

Things didn't improve for Chelsea. It was a case of one step forward, two steps back. They were very lucky to beat West Brom away, only to lose to Palace at the Bridge (it seems weird to think now that there was such a long time where Chelsea just didn't lose at home) and then away at Everton. At this point, with one win in five games, Chelsea were 16th, and the relegation jokes were out in force. An inevitable win against Arsenal failed to stem Chelsea's problems, as they drew with Newcastle, and then in October lost to West Ham, Southampton and Liverpool (but did manage to beat the awful Villa because Villa). At this point, Chelsea were in serious trouble, struggling to string together two wins and sliding dangerous (and hilariously) down the table. They beat Norwich in November, but also lost to Stoke and things were showing no signs of improving. Back to back defeats to Bournemouth and Leicester were the final straw, and just before Christmas, Mourinho was gone. 

There's not a lot to say about Chelsea post-Mourinho. They improved significantly, as expected, but they were never anywhere near European football, scraping their way to an inevitable mid-table finish, They didn't lose a game under replacement temporary manager Guus Hiddink until 9th April, winning seven and drawing seven to climb to 10th. They were then promptly thumped by City for the second time, and finished mediocrely, high profile draws to Spurs, Leicester and Liverpool, as well as a win over Bournemouth and a similarly high profile defeat to Sunderland. 

With Chelsea's season effectively over by October, with their defeats to Southampton and Liverpool that month seen as two of the major nails in the coffin, there really was nothing for Chelsea fans to celebrate this season. A high profile capitulation, fueled by players who were in open revolt against their manager: as the likes of Cesc Fabregas, Eden Hazard and Diego Costa, all key individuals in the attacking sense as Chelsea stormed to the title, were all utterly dreadful before Christmas. Defensively, Chelsea were a shambles, as Terry, Cahill and Ivanovic, the latter in particular fell apart. 

There were of course, other major high profile Mourinho tantrums, including the infamous Eva Carneiro case, but as far as I'm concerned, the brunt of the blame has to go to the various players who decided that they wanted Mourinho out. I'd have sold most of them in January to be honest, Chelsea have the money and pulling power to replace them. 

Looking at this season? Chelsea have an excellent new manager in Conte, and have made some excellent acquisitions. Batshuayi will be a good option up front and Kante in central midfielder is pretty much the perfect signing for Chelsea. They will definitely be top four contenders again. 

The Hard and Fast Section

• Three wickets each for Jimmy and Moeen. 
• Losing Stokes is a big blow though. 
• The Russian Rio fallout continues.
• Konta wins her first trophy!
• Big Sam's first interview fills me with quiet confidence.

24th July

So we're up to 11th place - which means Everton, one I think that I'm going to enjoy...

EVERTON

Everton ended up having a really poor season, finishing below Chelsea, thirteen points below arch rivals Liverpool and nearly twenty points off the top four. However, Everton's tale is an odd one. They reached two cup semi-finals, and coming up to the Christmas period, they were looking about where you'd expect them to be, sat 7th and only six points off 4th place in the back end of November. In fact they were still only six points off the top four after beating Newcastle in the 93rd minute on Boxing Day. 

It was a pretty good start for Everton, as they creamed Southampton and drew with Watford and Spurs in August, as well as seven points from September, with wins over West Brom and Chelsea. In fact before they were pummeled by Man United after the October international break, they'd only lost once: to Man City. November saw them see off wretched Sunderland and Aston Villa, scoring ten goals in the process, and other than an astonishing 97th minute equaliser, they would have beaten Bournemouth too (to revisit my insane reaction to this goal, live on radio, click the link: https://audioboom.com/boos/3887583-tom-goes-crazy).

December saw the start of Everton's slide. Dropping points against Palace and Norwich, and then losing to Leicester, led to Everton's crazy 4-3 defeat to Stoke at the end of December. Looking bad, this moment, this defeat, is probably when Everton lost the plot. And after that, it was all downhill. January didn't appear to be going badly, as they secured draws against Chelsea, Spurs and City, before a defeat to Swansea and City knocking them out of the Carling Cup left them tottering. 

By this point they had slid down the table to 12th. And they were never able to fully recover from this. Despite back to back 3-0 wins over Stoke and Newcastle in early February and a 3-1 win over Villa on 1st March, they would go on to fail to win another game until the end of April. Defeats to West Brom, West Ham, Arsenal, United and draws to Watford, Palace and Southampton culminated in their humbling, humiliating 4-0 travesty at Anfield. It's funny that a draw with Everton cost Brodge his job nine months ago, and that result at Anfield probably cost Martinez his, although it wasn't official until Everton were knocked out of the FA Cup several days later. A similarly unacceptable 3-0 defeat to Sunderland meant that Everton finished the season on a low point, although a 3-0 win over Norwich on the final day got them ahead of Swansea in the final table.

Overall, this was a very poor season from Everton's perspective. Roberto Martinez's sacking was justly deserved and what was a reasonably positive start completely fell away. Everton might not be challenging for a top four place, but they allowed the likes of Stoke, West Ham, and Southampton to lap them in recent years, and of course Leicester. The goal threat of the likes of Lukaku and Barkley ran dry in the back half of the season, and despite threatening to score as many as some of the top teams, Everton finished with just 59 goals and defensively they were very poor for large swathes. John Stones never looked like a £50m central defender Funes Mori was awful and they had key individuals missing at key points. But overall, this was very poor from Everton and Martinez. 

The Hard and Fast Section

• England lead by over 400 runs. Ouch. 
• Woakes and Root continuing to star.
• Lewis Hamilton. What a driver he is. 
• And young Max Verstappen looks very bright too. 
• Today is the day Froome wins Le Tour. 

23rd July

Up to 12th place. This is a really interesting one.

SWANSEA

How in the heck did Swansea finish 12th, I hear you ask. Well it did look highly unlikely at one point (multiple points). Swansea sat two points above the relegation zone when Gary Monk was (rightfully) sacked on 9th December, and were only one point above the relegation zone when they finally got around to replacing him with Francesco Guidolin. By this point, they had played 21 games and secured just 19 points, and following a horrible defeat to Sunderland, they were in real danger of getting relegated. 

Of course the buzz around this series of events was the same as it was around Southampton finishing in the top four a season or two ago, and about Leicester winning the league. Nah it'll never happen. Don't worry about Swansea. But of course, Swansea had many reasons to worry, and if they hadn't hired a good manager in Guidolin, they almost certainly wouldn't have finished as strongly as they did. As much as the protestations were to the opposite, Swansea were in alarming danger. 

And they got off to a good start too. Andre Ayew and Bafetimbi Gomis were flying high, and two wins and two draws in August, with positive results against Chelsea, Sunderland and Newcastle followed by a brilliant win against Man United. But alarmingly quickly, things went south, and they only won one more game before Christmas, a 2-1 win against Aston Villa (which says it all really), alongside defeats to Watford, Southampton, Stoke, Arsenal, Norwich, Liverpool, Leicester and Man City. They picked up just seven points from thirteen games before a 1-0 win over West Brom desperately relieved some pressure. In fact Swansea minorly improved after sacking Monk, picking up draws against West Ham and Palace, as well as that victory. But humbling back to back defeats to United and Sunderland in early January left them scrambling for a new manager. 

And once Guidolin came in, everything seemed to turn around. Back to back wins against Watford and Everton relieved the pressure even more, and from there Swansea were able to consistently pick up points. They couldn't continue their momentum into February, as draws to Palace and West Brom were followed by defeats to Spurs and Southampton. But March was a good month for the Swans, as they picked off Norwich and Villa, as well as their infamous win over Arsenal, left them all but safe on 36 points. And despite a couple of really shoddy defeats, admittedly to extremely motivated Newcastle and Leicester, they finished well, winning three of their last six and drawing on the last day with City. 

So overall? Difficult to judge. A final position of 12th is about where they've been for the last four or five seasons, albeit disappointing after finishing 8th last season. So on paper, a slightly disappointing season. But a season of two halves really. A really poor and frustrating first half of the season, compounded by a lack of goals and a mid-table defensive effort, left them really struggling. Swansea just couldn't grind out a win for love nor money between September and Christmas. But a real recovery in the back half of the season left them in a comfortable finish. Swansea fans definitely would have taken 12th on Christmas Day, but overall a pretty poor effort. It was left to attacking midfielders Andre Ayew and Gylfi Sigurdsson to pick up the slack, as striker Gomis started hot and then completely flopped. They never replaced Wilfried Bony and Ashley Williams is one of the most overrated central defenders in the Premier League. 

But they have a lot of talent in their squad and hopefully should come back stronger next season under Guidolin.

The Hard and Fast Section

• Roooooooot. 
• Dortmund have built one hell of a team. 
• David Moyes is back. This should be fun. 
• Froome very nearly KO'd on the Tour. Tasty. 
• Harrison: didn't make Olympics, but broke a world record. Wow. 

22nd July

So we're up to 13th place, and teams that will be increasingly happy with their league position (except for you know Chelsea). So here's Watford.

WATFORD

If you'd offered Watford 13th place at the start of the season then they would have bitten your hand off. The highest finishers of the newly promoted clubs, three points and three places ahead of fellow survivors Bournemouth, and a whole eleven points ahead of relegated Norwich, Watford can be very, very happy with their work this season, and will be looking forward to 2016/17.

And it could have been even better for Watford, who sat 7th on 29 points on Boxing Day, having secured an impressive 2-2 draw with Chelsea, on the back of a 3-0 humbling of Liverpool. But from there, life became more difficult for them, and it looked as survival was already assured. As such four straight defeats, to City, Spurs, Southampton and Swansea, derailed their momentum and left them tussling for a mid-table spot. By the time they ended the slide with a 2-1 win over Newcastle at the end of January, they were 10th, and out of contention for the European spots, and from there, Watford become another side whose season ended the second they were safe, although they did a better job of not nearly getting relegated than Palace did.

Watford opened their campaign with three respectable draws, but defeat against Manchester City left then on three points as August closed. From there however, they were able to kick on, securing back to back victories in both September and October, either side of defeats to Palace and a thrashing at home to Arsenal. However, it was the end of November when Watford were really able to kick on, and after back to back defeats against Leicester and Man U, they scraped past Aston Villa, and built some momentum, seeing off Norwich, Sunderland and Liverpool in December without conceding. In fact, before their 1-0 defeat at Swansea on 18th Jan, Watford had only lost to big clubs or teams high up in the division. Man City (twice), Spurs, Saints, Arsenal, Man United, Leicester and a Crystal Palace side who were challenging for top four in the early stages. 

If Watford's form didn't pick up in the second half of the season, it was due to similar factors as Palace's. An FA Cup run, Premier League security assured, and Odion Igahlo, their main source of goals before Christmas, couldn't seem to find the back of the net in the back end of the season, although Igahlo's partnership with Troy Deeney was exceptional all season. February was a mixed month, as they beat a hapless Palace side, drew again with Chelsea and Bournemouth, and once again lost to Spurs by the odd goal, but March ended up being a disastrous month, with four straight defeats spilling into April, admittedly against once again superior opposition in United, Arsenal, Leicester and Stoke. 

However, by this point, 37 points looked enough to keep Watford in the Premier League, and there was no suggestion that they wouldn't pick up a few more. And so they did, beating West Brom, drawing with Everton (and on the final day Sunderland), coupled with their frankly hilarious turning over of a 2-1 deficit to beat poor old Aston Villa 3-2 in stoppage time. It was cruel, but it was beautiful. 

So overall, a really, really solid season from Watford. They only lost two games to teams that finished below them, a defeat to a Palace side sat 6th when they lost to them, and a 4-2 defeat to a desperate Norwich side on the penultimate day, when Watford really were on their holidays. The one big problem Watford had was their inability to cause the big sides too many problems: they picked up just seven points against the top eight sides and the top five all did the double over them. Defensively, Watford were reasonably solid; 50 goals conceded represents a very decent total, But in terms of goals scored? Watford only managed 40 league goals this season, which is quite low. And that figure becomes more impressive when you realise that Igahlo scored 15 of those goals, and even more impressive when you realise Deeney scored another 13. Nobody other than those two managed to score more than twice. Watford really needed some support from their midfield, clearly the weakest area of their squad. 

So looking forward, Watford have a new manager in Walter Mazzarri, which is a shame because I thought Quique Sanchez Flores did a really good job at Watford. But either way, you'd expect more of the same next season. Tight defensively, Deeney and Igahlo scoring the goals, and a lower mid-table finish. 

Big Sam and Gigi

Okay, so I have to talk about the two big stories hitting the football world (at least my football world simmer down people). Big Sam is the new manager of England and Liverpool have spanked £25m out on Gigi Wijnaldum. Let's start with the former. 

Okay so Big Sam's appointment has prompted one of two reactions. The first is a proud declaration that Big Sam is the perfect candidate because he's English, smart, good at handling big names and a good tactician. The other school of thought tends to be that this is the worst thing ever, that Big Sam is a dinosaur and heaven forbid England ever hire anyone who doesn't play a Wenger-esque style of beautiful football, because that's worked out so well for the last well now it's five decades and counting. 

Okay sarcasm aside, of course the answer is somewhere in the middle. Those clamoring for Big Sam clearly wanted an English appointment and/or are trying to make the best of a bad situation and getting behind their manager. Both noble causes, if maybe misguided. I personally don't think Sam is the perfect choice, and I would rather have not hired an English manager, simply because I don't think the standard of English managers is as high as foreign ones. I'd personally have waited twelve months because in this market? Come on a high profile freeing up of a serious contender seems inevitable. 

However, I understand the desire to go English, to try and complete the project that Roy Hodgson was so totally inept at even beginning. On paper, Big Sam is a similar choice to Hodgson - they both focus on building from the defence up, they don't play fancy football, they focus on the result and they've both had some success with smaller clubs. However, I have two rebuttals to the idea that Allardyce is just Roy Mark II. First of all, there were clear and obvious signs that Roy shouldn't be given a big job, seeing as how he completely bottled the last big job he'd had, less than two years previously at Liverpool. Moreover, his international record and career records were mixed at best. Big Sam on the other hand, has been at four clubs in the last seventeen years. In that time he got two of them promoted, established them in the Premier League and nearly got Bolton Champions League football - BOLTON. In fact, if we're being bluntly honest, he's arguably the best manger in Bolton's history, certainly one of their best. He got them into the Premier League, and more importantly kept them in the Premier League, giving them a sustained run. To put that into context, Bolton hadn't been in the top division for more than two seasons since the 60s. Big Sam got them up, kept them up and led them to four top half finishes in the eight years he was there. Then he did a decent job at Blackburn, keeping them in the Premier League. He got West Ham promoted and led them to top half contention, and his only "failure" was at Newcastle, where he did just okay, and was sacked when Mike Ashley came in and got the club relegated inside two seasons. Oops. 

The other point I want to make is that just because Roy failed on the big stage (and there was tangible evidence that he would), doesn't mean we should only hire big names, and doesn't mean that the FA shouldn't stick to their project of hiring English managers who have proven they're adept at organising defences and adding steel and leadership to the side. I do respect what they're trying to do and I think that Big Sam is a significantly better candidate for that then Roy is. Moreover, just because said tactic didn't work because they hired a complete ignoramus, doesn't mean it will fail again, when they hired someone who isn't a complete ignoramus. 

Okay so Wijnaldum. I've discussed this at length elsewhere, so hit me up on Twitter if you enjoy me ranting senselessly about how stupid this transfer is. Last weekend on my blog I talked about Liverpool and mentioned that our attacking midfield options were somewhat stacked. It was and remains our best position and we should be focusing on bringing in a left back (apparently we are bringing in Jordan Amavi so decent job done there LFC), an experienced Bundesliga defender (Klavan has since been confirmed - good job LFC) and a strong, defensive, Emre Can type central midfielder. To which LFC responded by buying another attacking midfielder, who isn't better than Lallana, Firmino, Coutinho or Mane, and will probably be asked to play deeper, either in a 4-3-3 or in a 4-2-3-1 next to Can, because suddenly Liverpool fans have decided anyone is better than Jordan Henderson (spoiler alert - they aren't). 

Forgive me if I think this is a stupid idea. Wijnaldum is a solid back up option for Coutinho. If something happens to one or two LFC attacking midfielders I'll be glad we signed him. What he isn't, is a central midfielder. And he's definitely not a defensive one. And don't give me that "well what if LFC play 4-3-3 and he plays as an inside left" nonsense because we already have the perfect player to slot in on the left hand inside channel of a 4-3-3, he's called Phillipe Coutinho and he's better than Wijnaldum. Or James Milner. Or, still, Hendo. We don't need another attack minded central midfield player, and we definitely don't need another CAM pretending to be an attack minded central midfield player, let alone a £25m one who failed to score away from home. What we need, is someone to anchor our midfield because Can can't play 38 games a season. And if your answer to this conundrum is Stewart, then get out because I can't have a serious conversation with you.

So LFC still need to go out and sign a defensive midfielder. And if they don't because they signed Wijnaldum instead, then we're going to look like complete idiots when Emre Can gets injured. 

The Hard and Fast Section

• England won the toss. Will bat first. Finally.
• Stokes and Jimmy in. Good. No Rashid. Bad. 
• New two year deal for Rosberg. Ummm...
• Can United just sign Pogba already? 
• I had to include that Big Sam picture.

21st July

So we move up to 14th place - West Brom.

West Brom

So West Brom under Tony Pulis finished 14th in the Premier League, scoring just 34 goals, the league's second lowest tally, but conceding only 48, less than anyone else outside the top six, including Liverpool, Chelsea and West Ham. Finishing one place below their finish last season, with one less point, West Brom will once again be happy just to survive, and moreover to survive comfortably. A lot of people, and a lot of Albion fans are disappointed with Tony Pulis' style of football, but having nearly been relegated the season before he joined, and tottering one point from safety when he signed at the club, 13th and 14th place finishes are a brilliant achievement. The idea of walking before you can run is something Pulis did brilliantly at Stoke - establish them as a settled Premier League side with a rock solid base, and then they can start adding flair players, bringing in progressive managers and styles of play and exciting talent. And that is now working wonders at Stoke. 

So overall a solid season for the Baggies; no threat of relegation and no threat of breaking into the top ten either. West Brom got off to a rocky start, losing heavily to Manchester City, and unforunate to lose to Chelsea and Everton, but picked up crucial wins against Stoke and Aston Villa, seeing them on eight points from seven games by the end of September. In fact, West Brom's season changed very little as it went along, chipping away, scoring points here and there, never getting stuck in a rut for too long, or winning too many games in a row. October saw them beat Norwich and Sunderland, but lose to Palace and Leicester; November saw them beat Arsenal but lose to United, and the closest they came to a bad run of form in the front half of the year was back to back defeats against Swansea and Bournemouth, having drawn with Liverpool, Spurs and West Ham (all decent results). And they ended that rut with a 1-0 win over Newcastle. 

And the back half of the season was much the same, beating Stoke, drawing with Chelsea and Villa and losing to Saints in January, beating Everton and Palace but losing to Newcastle and drawing to Swansea in February, beating Man United, drawing with Leicester and then losing to Norwich in March, followed by a pretty torrid run to the end of the season once 40 points was assured - no win in their final nine games with defeats to City, Arsenal, Watford and West Ham all taking place in April. 

So West Brom did what you'd expect West Brom to do. They ground out a lot of solid results against mostly midtable or lower table teams, with the occasional surprise such as a win over Arsenal or Man United, or a defeat to Newcastle or Norwich. Quite a lot of their games ended up being reasonably low scoring, seven of their ten wins were 1-0 and none were by more than a single goal, and they lost four games 1-0, losing by more than two goals only three times. Very much as you'd expect from a Pulis side, tight at the back, don't score too many, picking up points consistently throughout but never being explosive or overly impressive. 

In terms of players, they have a couple of solid keepers in Myhill and Foster, Gareth McAuley, Jonny Evans and Craig Dawson represent solid defensive options, they have a steely midfield and in terms of goals they rely heavily on Solomon Rondon and the now departing Saido Berahino. If Berahino goes, West Brom need to sign another striker, but even with the strength of the Premier League increasing, West Brom should be happy with, and should secure, 14th again next season. 

The Hard and Fast Section

• So Wijnaldum is happening...uh oh. 
• Subotic failed his medical at Boro...
• Suppose I'll have to talk about Big Sam tomorrow...
• Russian athletes completely banned from Rio. Good. 

20th July - Part Three

So after a disastrous season for Newcastle, the illustrious and tortured soul that is Jim McKenna dissects what went wrong, and more specifically, who went wrong...

Tim Krul 6/10: Average grade for average performances, his stagnation in general over the past 2-3 seasons is a little sad but that merely makes him a decent PL keeper as opposed to the potentially amazing 21 year old I remember. Season wrecked by injury on international duty.

Rob Elliot 8/10: #Revelation, despite showing no signs of being anything other than reserve keeper fodder throughout his time on Tyneside, he put in a string of match-winning performances to get the team results that in all honesty we didn’t deserve (Bournemouth away springs immediately to mind.) Season wrecked by injury on international duty (where have I heard this before?)

Karl Darlow 6/10: Reasons to give Darlow higher than a 6, his penalty save against Palace to ensure a potentially vital (with hindsight pointless) three points. Reasons to give Darlow lower than a 6, his debut against WBA when he single-handedly lost us the game with constant flapping at aerial balls (and y’know Pulis is quite good at exploiting that.) We’ll call it an average 6.

Jamaal Lascelles 7.5/10: I love this guy. Phenomenal in the tackle, good in the air, decent at attacking set pieces, but most importantly was the only man to front the cameras after our 3-1 defeat to Southampton, widely considered one of the lowest points of a pretty low season by fans. Future captain for sure, he just needs to learn how to pass a ball.

Chancel Mbemba 6/10: A decent first season, occasionally got run ragged by elite forwards (Aguero in particular), but for a “21” year old CB he is a clear prospect who has a very strong all-round game. Highlights include his ability to randomly take on a man from CB positions, which never fails to amuse.

Fabricio Coloccini 4/10: Easily one of the best-performing defenders in the league when we finished 5th, his heart was clearly not at Newcastle for the past 2 seasons and it showed on the pitch, not helped by his natural age-related decline. Best of luck at San Lorenzo Colo, I’ll try to remember the good times.

Steven Taylor 3/10: Some say loyal, others say he never had a chance to go to a better club because he wasn’t good enough. Either way his past few years of continuous season-ending injuries pushed him over the edge, Southampton away in particular was a case study of a man putting his body on the line and being failed by that body not being able to take the physical demands of top-level sport.

Daryl Janmaat 5.5/10: Possibly harsh but reflects the high standards we had as fans. A marvellous attacking full-back last season, he clearly wanted a move this year and his performances reflected that.

Paul Dummett 6/10: If memory serves me right, we had a 40%+ win rate with Paul, as opposed to a 7% one without him. A limited full-back with no attacking dimension to his game, but I like his effort and understated demeanour. And his last minute equalizer against Man Utd was great… so he can have his 6.

Massadio Haidara 5/10: Largely injured, physical but ineffectual when playing.

Jack Colback 5.5/10: Overly restricted and not particularly effective under McClaren, allowed more freedom under Benitez and improved a bit. He still needs to step up next season though.

Siem de Jong 5/10: A man who wanders around the pitch with grace and class, like a pristine Mussorgsky painting. Unfortunately PL football is more like a Picasso, so he’s a little out of place.

Gini Wijnaldum 6/10: 11 goals at home and 0 away speak volumes. Brilliant when the team is working well and in his favoured 10 role, anonymous when the team is under the cosh or played out of position. A talented player, but Liverpool’s move for him is a mystery with better players in his favoured (I’d claim only) role.

Moussa Sissoko 5/10: A rating of 5 for 5 good games? The issue with Moussa isn’t so much laziness as tactics as far as I can see; when he is allowed counter-attacking space to burst forward with his unique blend of pace and power he can’t be bettered, when the game is cagier and relies on close control and a short passing game he comes up short. Even when Rafa gave him the captaincy and coaxed some more hard running out of him, the end results were a bit… meh. Basically, even a fully motivated Moussa will always struggle outside of a handful of situations where the game is set up for him, and when it isn’t set up for him he can easily lose desire and be an active harm to his team. So…. £25m please?

Vurnon Anita 6.5/10: A classy short-passing player, his lack of physical presence has seen him overlooked by various managers, but he found a vital role for the team at full-back when others were injured. A nice guy and a hard worker, and his passing is underrated by those who don’t watch him throughout.

Yoan Gouffran 3/10: Past seasons had witnessed the ineffectual left-winger Gouffran, the blunt lone forward Gouffran and the frustrating wing-back Gouffran. This season saw the introduction of holding midfield Gouffran. First seen during Newcastle’s away game against Man City. Yeah. The one we lost 6-1. Let’s move on.

Jonjo Shelvey 5.5/10: Good passing, good creativity, decent industry. But. He. Is. Not. A. Holder. How it took both McClaren and Rafa numerous games to work this out I will never know, and his inability to track runners and intercept directly led to us losing 3 games at least. Not his fault in the way you couldn’t blame me fully if you forced me to do an Engineering degree as a History grad and realising I’d done terribly, but it did affect his performances.

Henri Saivet 3/10: Henri Saivet? Oh yeah the Football Manager 2009 wonderkid. What’s he been up to since then? He signed for Newcastle in January? No seriously, where is he playing nowadays?

Andros Townsend 7.5/10: Much-needed width and creativity, worth every penny we spent on him and his run of form was genuinely a joy to watch. His direct running offered us an entirely new dimension, only loses out on a higher grade as he tended to fade out of matches when he couldn’t get on the ball.

Florian Thauvin 3.5/10: Went exactly as expected.

Rolando Aarons 5/10: Highly promising but needs to have a run without injuries to fulfil his undoubted potential, great cameo and goal on the last day versus Tottenham.

Gabriel Obertan 2/10: Calling him sh*t would be an insult to the stuff that comes out of my arse occasionally.

Cheick Tiote 6/10: Terrible to begin with, almost moved to China in January, found a new lease of life under Rafa and allowed the entire team to play more proactively with his defensive work.

Ayoze Perez 5.5/10: Clever player, but he needs to work out what his position is and get fit enough to play a run of games, past two seasons he has clearly been flagging by January. Also if he could work out his best position it would help, he’s played every attacking role at Newcastle and not looked a natural fit in any of them.

Papiss Cisse 5/10: It says a lot when you end up using the natural-born poacher as a hold-up man despite him being short and weak. But he worked hard and he never gave up, so I’ll be kind and say a 5.

Aleksandr Mitrovic 5.5/10: Predictably unpredictable. Red cards, goals, passion and more, it definitely wasn’t a dull season for the Serbian (if there ever could be with Mitro…), more worrying than his lack of composure in tackling was his lack of composure in front of goal, but on his day he could be an all-action target man better than most his age. Used particularly well by Rafa as an impact sub.

Seydou Doumbia Lol/10: At least he gave us a better team on FIFA for a few months.

20th July - Part Two

So following a somewhat mixed season for Man United under Louis Van Gaal, Sam gives his views on who was amazing, and who was outright terrible...

David de Gea 9/10: Can be criticised for a number of mistakes he's made, especially towards the back end of the season, but in general he looks more and more confident every match, which he defends with a dizzying array of body parts. I'd struggle to name a goalkeeper in the world who compares let alone any goalkeeper from the EPL, but that's just me. Easily our best player.

Sergio Romero 4/10: I never feel confident with Romero in goal, but he did improve slightly throughout the season after making a number of early howlers. Will play the Kuszczak role if he remains and will do fine, but if de Gea gets injured and Romero gets an extended run-out we're royally screwed. God I miss Tomasz Kuszczak.

Matteo Darmian 5/10: After a decent start to the season his form petered out and never recovered. Found himself dropped and replaced by the youth players who were eager to impress. May be given another shot under Mourinho.

Cameron Borthwick-Jackson 7/10: Our brightest youth player besides Rashford. Made only ten appearances either side of an injury, but was one of our most attacking players in that time, putting in some quality crosses and creating a number of chances. Was also solid defensively. A great understudy to Luke Shaw, and especially promising.

Timothy Fosu-Mensah 6/10: The pacey Blind, Fosu-Mensah offers plenty to the squad. Can move across CB, full-back and CDM but equally doesn't have any one preferred position. However, unlike Blind, Fosu-Mensah has age and time on his side to improve and settle. He needs to get some game time next season.

Guillermo Varela 4/10: What Varela is still doing here I don't know. I don't even know where he appeared from, but if he's 23 and still not able to break into the squad he should move on for the sake of his career. He's not total crud, but he's never going to oust any of our current full-backs and is not a reliable back-up to Darmian.

Luke Shaw 6/10: Was one of our most exciting players going forward and solid defensively until a horrific injury in mid-September saw him sit out the rest of the season. But at only 21, Shaw is going to become a frighteningly good left-back in the coming years if he can pick up where he left off.

Marcos Rojo 2/10: Nice tats, useless player. Somehow made twenty-eight appearances last season. I'm gobsmacked.

Chris Smalling 8/10: On top of the fact he was probably our only defender not to get injured, he was also our best and most reliable defender. Like de Gea, he made a few high profile mistakes towards the back end of the season, but by-the-by Smalling was our defensive rock. Scored a couple of goals as well.

Phil Jones 1/10: Injured and useless when he wasn't. I'd give him a 2, but the fact that he made less than half the appearances Rojo did says it all. And this guy was touted as the future of England when we signed him. Dear Lord.

Paddy McNair 5/10: I want to be fair to Paddy, he looks like a decent upcoming CB. But with other defenders required he made only 8 appearances, half that of the previous season. He didn't do much wrong, but didn't really shine either. Still a stable prospect.

Daley Blind 6.5/10: Criticism of Blind's all-round game is largely fair, but he has a lot more redeeming qualities than people think. Of course, while he often looks as if a grandma with a Zimmer frame could outrun him, Blind passes strongly and is at the very least versatile. He can shift positions from LB, CB or CDM, although he's failed to nail down any of them on merit rather than an alarming number of injuries to our defence early on in the season. Regardless, after a shaky start he finished the season strongly, and even chipped in two goals.

Marouane Fellaini 4/10: Needs no introduction. Scored some good goals and his stature among a rather height-lacking squad was an asset, but was too slow, didn't create, couldn't defend and by the end of the season was resorting to elbows to spice up a game. A good player, but not for Man United. Should have stayed at Everton where, comparatively, he would have excelled. Need to be rid of him.

Michael Carrick 5/10: Made 42 appearances despite the signings of Schweinsteiger and Schneiderlin. Was a decent defensive cover as ever, but didn't do much. I have no strong opinion either way, but I'd like him to stay. He has a lot to offer as a reliable bit-part, if that's how Mou chooses to use him.

Bastian Schweinsteiger 4/10: Came with a big reputation and hasn't really proven it, although injuries did curtail his chances to do so. Though the Schweini experiment thankfully cost us only £6.5m, it may not yet be over.

Juan Mata 8/10: Has a susceptibility to being outmuscled and could improve his passing accuracy, but besides that Mata was among our best players. Equalled his tally of 10 goals from the previous season but from 19 more appearances (54 in total), since he was over-relied upon by van Gaal, which made him a decent constant in a diluted attack. Doesn't do his defensive duties too often but it's not like we need him to since even with our injuries we had one of the best defensive records in the league, and on that idiotic logic he won't get the chance to properly shine since Mourinho will inevitably offload him.

Morgan Schneiderlin 6/10: Like how the Invisible Man can impact things that can be seen, when Schneiderlin played we rarely lost, although it feels like that's the only thing that Schneiderlin has going for him since he contributed next to nothing in any other area of the field. Time will tell - that's if he stays. Mou isn't a fan.

Ander Herrera 4/10: One of our most exciting attacking midfielders, Herrera inexplicably became a bit-part this season, losing out to Fellaini of all people. Van Gaal couldn't find a way to regularly slot him in and it showed after a while: a dip in form meant that with every bad performance it became less likely we'd see him again. Deserves a second shot after his maltreatment, as he can easily rediscover that form he had the year before, and I think Mou will give him it.

Jesse Lingard 8/10: Another shining light of the midfield. Finally given his shot at 22, Lingard made 40 appearances, regularly contributed to our attack and scored 6 goals, including the stunning FA Cup winning volley. A solid contender for a place in the starting line-up next season, but will probably lose out to Mkhitaryan.

Andreas Pereira 5/10: At only 20 and making just 9 appearances, Pereira looks like an intelligent, forward-thinking player. Unfortunately, players like Lingard and Martial filled the wing positions Pereira likes to occupy, and when they didn't Mata and Depay did. It looks likely that the large number of midfielders we have will stifle Pereira next season, and although he might get a chance he also might need to move on to get regular game time.

Ashley Young 5/10: Looked good when he played, but rarely looked better than good. Has a deplorable scoring record for a player of his quality across his entire 5 seasons at United and didn't make a case for himself this season. Might also find his game time limited by Mkhitaryan's arrival and at 31 he might need to move to finish his career on a high.

Antonio Valencia 5/10: Misused as a right-back when a natural winger, Valencia's performance was stunted and then he got a four-month injury. Never really looked like shining at any point, but more due to van Gaal's failings than a lack of quality.

Memphis Depay 3/10: For the fact that he's only 22, I'll give Depay a 3. He has time to remind us why we paid £27m for him and come up with the kind of end product that his rival Firmino brought to Liverpool. However, nearly everything he did last season turned to crud. Doesn't have the Midas touch he showed at PSV and was punished for his bad performances. If he doesn't improve under Mourinho, he won't make it past next season.

Adnan Januzaj 0/10: 0 isn't cutting enough. Came out of the gates bursting two years before, but hasn't shown a jot of quality since and made just 7 appearances after a shocking loan spell at Dortmund.. Awful, awful player and a waste of £40,000 a week.

Anthony Martial 8/10: Made a controversial and lauded £36m move to United (go away if you dare tell me £58m), but proved his critics wrong instantly. Hitting 17 goals in his first season (including a stunning mazy dribble against Liverpool - sorry Tom, had to mention it in exchange for praising Firmino), Martial showed he was as good a forward as he was cutting in off the wing, although it was the latter position he ended up in for most of the season. Wasn't as predictable with his wing play as Depay, but was something close and that's something he'll need to work on.

Wayne Rooney 7/10: I think Wazza's spent most of the past three seasons since Fergie's retirement as the face of United's slow spiral, but his end product has only marginally decreased. Just look at his stats: only 4 times in 12 seasons at United has he ever hit 20+ goals. He's used to hovering around the mid- to high-teens, which is what he's struck in each of the last 3 seasons, so I think the criticism is slightly harsh. Plus, he's an absolute workhorse in the midfield and even at tracking back, although he does need to be a stronger captain.

   Overall, I think Rooney's at a point where he's transitioning into a more central position, but everyone just keeps expecting him to hitting the 20 goal target he only ever showed a 1-in-3 chance of reaching. Perhaps we'll see a resurgence under Mourinho.

Marcus Rashford 9/10: On the basis that Rashford got promoted to the first team by luck and went on to unabashedly take the mantle of main striker, make 18 appearances and score 8 goals, he rightly gets a 9. Rarely put a foot wrong besides the usual stuff that amounts to youth and inexperience, but was never fazed by anything. Earned a (maybe premature) call-up to the England squad, which will do wonders for his confidence, but millions of eyes will be on him to replicate his fine form next season. Based on the fact that he has already proved pressure doesn't unnerve him, I think he will. And I really hope he does.

20th July

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming...

CRYSTAL PALACE

So before the Euros, I was summarizing clubs 2015/16 seasons in reverse order. I'm going to continue that now, with the aim of finishing before the start of the 2016/17 season. So let's continue with Crystal Palace. 

On New Year's Day, Crystal Palace sat 5th in the Premier League, with 31 points to their name, more than Man U, Liverpool, Chelsea, West Ham and Southampton. In fact it was more than ten clubs that ended up finishing ahead of them - they were twelve points ahead of a Swansea side that ended up finishing five points ahead of them. 

Because the first half of Palace's season was excellent, a really good few months. They won some high profile games, against Liverpool and Chelsea, and butchering Newcastle to seemingly cement the gap between the sides after Pardew left Newcastle for Palace. What I think was most telling about Palace's start to the season was the teams that they lost to. Other than a slip up against Sunderland in late November, only Arsenal, West Ham, Leicester, Spurs and City beat them, and none of those were hammerings either. Palace were doing what they had to do, which was beat and pick up points against the clubs in and around the mid-table, losing to only two sides outside the top four (both at the time and at the end of the season). Pardew had them playing well, causing problems and really pushing for a European finish. 

And then it all came off the rails. Eleven points scored in 2016, just two wins (against a dreadful Norwich side and against a Stoke side who were already on holiday by early May), saw them plummet ten places in the table, and for a long time, with Palace not winning a game until the 9th of April since the turn of the year, a staggering four months and fifteen league games, it looked as if they were going to be sucked into the relegation dogfight, although they were always just about far enough clear that it ended up not being an issue. 

The clear turning point was on the 12th of January, where a huge mistake from Wayne Hennessey handed Aston Villa their first win since the opening day of the season, condemning Palace to back to back defeats for the first time since October, following a 3-0 humbling at the hands of Chelsea. By this point, Palace hadn't scored in four games, and it seemed as though goals, and points, had dried up. 

Things continued to get worse for Palace, as a rejuvenated Man City thrashed them, Spurs turned them over and then they managed to lose at home to Bournemouth in early February, as their humiliating run turned to five straight defeats, and seven games without a win, scoring just twice in that period. Palace had a very easy run of games in February/early March, but games against Bournemouth, Swansea, Watford, Sunderland and West Brom yielded just two points, before back to back defeats against Liverpool and Leicester meant that Palace had sunk to a new low, just two points in eleven games had seen them slide alarmingly to 16th, and only the total inepitude of the teams below them was keeping them reasonably safe, as they were still eight points clear of Sunderland, who admittedly had a game in hand on them. 

By this point, the Palace fans had suddenly realised exactly why Alan Pardew was loathed in Newcastle, and it wasn't just Palace fans either, as journalists and pundits who had been praising him up until January quickly backtracked, and I imagine Newcastle fans would have been reasonably smug, were they not on the brink of getting relegated themselves. 

However, the 1-0 win over Norwich was a huge release of pressure, a massive stop gap that managed to wrestle Palace some momentum, and enabled them to scramble to Premier League safety. Two wins and three draws in their final eight fixtures saw them pick up enough points to leapfrog Bournemouth on goal difference and limp to 15th place in the table. 

A combination of factors would have contributed to Palace's slide. Pardew is very much a momentum manager who struggles to halt a slide once it starts. They must have felt reasonably secure in their position in January too, so there's no doubt that they took their foot off the gas once they started sliding, aware that they weren't going to get Europe, but certainly weren't going to get relegated (as we'll see was the case with Watford in a couple of days time). And like Watford, they were also engaging in a cup run which kept them going all the way to the FA Cup final. 

Ultimately, it was just the lack of goalscoring forwards in this Palace side that caused them problems. Conor Wickham isn't a goalscorer, although he nabbed five league goals, Emmanuel Adebayor was a colossal failure, Bakary Sako was never a striker and Dwight Gayle is massively inconsistent, netting only three times in the league. Even their star player Yannick Bolasie failed to score more than five, levelling the total scored by central defender Scott Dann, and Frazier Campbell failed to score at all. Thirty-nine goals is the joint-third lowest tally in the league behind West Brom and...well you can guess. However, Palace's biggest strength was their defence, and they only conceded 51 goals all campaign, significantly less than everyone below them and slightly less than quite a few teams that finished ahead of them. 

Overall, Palace will be very disappointed with their season, especially when it had such potential. But it's better to have one glaringly obvious fault than it is to have three or four chronic problems, and if Palace can sign a Premier League proven striker (and they probably will in Christian Benteke, who will suit them perfectly), then they could definitely make inroads on the top ten next season. 

The Hard and Fast Section

• New rules about player behaviour. About time. 
• Stoke in for Berahino. Good signing. 
• All good for Froome. Nearly there. 
• Stokes in very good form. Good news for England.

19th July - Part Three

So with an alternative offered to my LFC ratings, Mike offers a controversial rebuttal to Alex's AFC ratings... Man United coming tomorrow folks...

Petr Cech - 7/10: Solid but some unusual mistakes. 

Ospina - 6/10: Covered for Cech well but conceded a lot of goals.

Kieran Gibbs - 5/10: Did little to show he should be above Nacho.

Per Mertesacker - 6/10: Once again his lack of pace caused the defence to be vulnerable, but his experience was a help. 

Gabriel - 5/10: Erratic and uncontrolled.

Laurent Koscielny - 7/10: Started very well but faded as the season went on. Still our best CB by a margin.

Nacho Monreal - 8/10: Very good season and coped well with or without cover from the LW.

Hector Bellerin - 9/10: Star player? Attacked incredibly well and his defensive play has come on a lot. Was ripped to shreds by BM 's Douglas Costa though.

Aaron Ramsey - 7/10: His finishing was awful but he was often at the centre of any good play and was willing to make runs forward. Overall a good season.

Mesut Ozil - 6.5/10 (9 first half of the season, 4 for the second half): Well well. For all his assists in the first half of the season he is still way too lazy to be playing in the Premier League. Fails not to disappoint.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain - 4/10: He never did anything.

Francis Coquelin - 6/10: Solid but not spectacular. Gave away too many silly fouls and hence picked up needless yellows.

Mohamed Elneny - 5/10: Passed it and that was it. Waste of money because he won't be on the bench when we have a fit midfield.

Alexis Sanchez - 7/10: Started very tired and came back to life from mid to end of the season. Didn't pick up too many goals but played well in that period.

Olivier Giroud - 6/10: Once again missed too many chances. A striker I like but he rarely produces when he is really needed. 

Theo Walcott - 3/10:  Sh*t.

Alex Iwobi: 5/10: Bright but I didn't see him do anything particularly great

Danny Welbeck - 7.5/10: Gave all he had every time he played and that made him very likable. When he played he was always a threat.

Joel Campbell - 8/10:  Somehow invisible to Arsene but he was direct , aggressive, and sharp. Something the Arsenal attack often lacked . Very much underplayed, excellent when he was played.

BONUS RATING:

Arsene Wenger - 6/10: He secured second place but didn't get anything else right. 

19th July - Part Two

So my good friend and fellow LFC fan Joe has given his alternative player ratings from the 2015/16 season. Can't say I disagree much with many of them (Firmino > Coutinho).

Simon Mignolet – 3/10 – Countless errors have cost us an eye-watering amount of points and it’s a surprise to nobody that he was most error-prone keeper in the league last season. He is better than that, but not much, and it hasn’t taken us long to sign a replacement. The one redeeming factor is that he wasn’t at fault in either final. When he really, really needed to be at his best, Simon was okay.

Bogdan – 0/10 – He made Mignolet look capable.

Nathaniel Clyne – 7.5/10 – Clyne has had a pretty quiet first season with Liverpool, albeit consistent. He’s been solid and done very little wrong, but hasn’t particularly stood out either. I’ll argue that a defender not making many headlines is a good thing in this case and he can be very happy with his debut season. It would be nice if he could give a bit more going forward though.

Jon Flanagan – 5/10 – I’m going to be honest, I can’t remember anything he did so I’m siting on the fence. Hopefully he’ll feature a bit more next season.

Martin Skrtel – 4/10 – Never really performed to the standard we’ve come to expect and was soon dropped upon Klopp’s arrival. He has looked like his best years were behind him, especially when we lost our two-goal lead against Saints. Liverpool are left wondering if we should’ve taken that money City were offering a couple of years ago.

Kolo Toure – 7/10 – Barely got a look in but always performed when given the opportunity, especially in the Europa League final where he was by far our best player. That might not be saying much, but he was brilliant.

Dejan Lovren – 6.5/10 – Lovren, very much unlike Clyne, has either lost us games or won us games. Seemed almost a completely different player in the second half of this season, however, and he began to look very assured. Not consistent enough but bonus points for THAT equaliser against Dortmund.

Mamadou Sakho – 7/10 – Sakho has always looked like a very capable defender, but a very incapable footballer. This season, he has cut the mistakes and looked very solid. He was imperious in the Europa League run, with huge performances against both United and Dortmund. Although Kolo did a great job in the final, you can’t help but wonder what could have been if not for the drug accusation.

Joe Gomez – 6.5 – Gomez surprised everyone when Brendan Rodgers was starting him, an un-tested 18-year-old, out of position, in a defence that was already leaking goals. To the surprise of myself, and many others I’m sure, he really impressed before an injury ruined his season. He’ll be back though, and he has a very bright future ahead of him.

Alberto Moreno – 5/10 –A defender needs to defend and Moreno can’t. It’s okay saying his errors are few and far between, but the fact they have occurred at important moments or in big games really is a worry. The fact we don’t seem keen to sign a replacement makes me sweat.

Lucas Leiva – 6.5/10 – I like Lucas. He maybe isn’t a world-class talent but his use to the team is massively underrated. He tackles, intercepts, frustrates the opposition and has some of that famous ‘character’ Brendan Rodgers valued so highly. Even when Klopp deployed him as a centre back in the League Cup final, he took it in his stride and performed very well. He was admittedly horrendous on a few occasions, however.

Kevin Stewart – 5.5/10 – Stewart performed admirably when called upon in the league as our priorities shifted. There was enough there to get excited about, but his inexperience often showed.

Jordan Henderson – 6/10 – Poor season by his standards, but he is another who’s been unfortunate with injuries, so it’s hard to really judge how well he’s performed. Somewhat surprisingly, the stats tell a very one-sided story. Liverpool have won 53.3% of games with Henderson in the starting XI compared to just 26.7% without, and the losses have doubled in the same amount of games played. Clearly he’s still an extremely valuable player and we perform much better with him in the side, but I don’t this this is all necessarily down to Henderson, and partly because he compliments a certain Emre Can.

Emre Can – 8/10 – This guy is an absolute specimen. Can started the season well enough, but flourished upon Klopp’s arrival when he was handed a central role. His standout performance was undoubtedly against Villarreal, where he recovered from a season ending injury in a matter of weeks and was instrumental in turning around the first-leg deficit. Klopp needs to find an adequate midfield partner for Can because he has huge potential.

Joe Allen – 6.5/10 – Performed very well but never given much of a run in the side. Lack of opportunity leaves me with little to say, but he was very reliable this season and chipped in with a couple of goals, which is a rare sight in a Liverpool shirt. It would be a shame to see him leave.

James Milner – 8/10 – World class he is not, but you can’t fault James Milner this year. 10 goals and 14 assists is an incredible return for a player supposedly lacking talent. He’s been deployed where he’s been needed, but he’s almost always impressed. Credit also due for taking a leading role in Henderson’s absence. Truly a class act.

Jordan Ibe – 5.5/10 – Ibe has shown only glimpses of what he is capable of and has mostly looked like a player lacking the quality to keep up with the rest of our attacking lineup. Nothing to shout about, but he has done enough to net us £15m and you can’t argue with that.

Sheyi Ojo – 6.5/10 – On the other hand, Sheyi Ojo has given us plenty to shout about. He has looked assured on the ball, very confident going forward and has goals and assists to boot. He has a lot of unrefined potential and I’m looking forward to seeing what Klopp can do with him.

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Phillippe Coutinho – 9/10 – At Liverpool’s end of season awards awards, the little magician won Best Goal, Best Performance, Player of the Year and Player’s Player of the Year. Coutinho is simply invaluable to us. His end product has improved as well, with 12 goals and 6 assists, but that still doesn’t really do his impact justice. We play when he plays.

Roberto Firmino – 8.5/10 – The other contender for player of the year. When players come over from another country, we usually allow about a year to fully adapt. Firmino took 6 months and then turned into the most dangerous player in the league. He can be inconsistent and has disappeared in a few games, but rarely in big games, and a brilliant year nevertheless.

Adam Lallana – 7/10 – Lallana is another one of those who completely transformed in the second half of this season. He often looks dangerous without really producing anything, as evidenced at the Euros, but finally we saw some end product at Liverpool. 11 goals and 8 assists is an excellent return, and his work rate makes him a favourite with both Klopp and the supporters.

Danny Ings – 6/10 – Finally started looking like a clever piece of business (a rarity at Liverpool, see Benteke) before injuries ruined his season. I think he has a lot to offer, but one has to wonder if he’ll get much of an opportunity ahead of Origi and Sturridge.

Divock Origi – 7/10 – What a season for Divock Origi. Eyebrows were raised when Klopp dropped Sturridge away at Dortmund in favour of Origi, but what a move that turned out to be. A late bloomer, but that hat-trick in that 6-1 drumming of Southampton was a sign of things to come. He was utterly brilliant at the end of the season, convincing many that he should be out first pick up top.

Daniel Sturridge – 7.5/10 – Like many others, Sturridge really struggled with injuries this season. Unlike many others, however, Sturridge was excellent given the opportunity and somehow managed to end the season our top scorer. He is pure class, arguably our best player and Liverpool simply need him fit.

Christian Benteke – 6/10 - I don’t believe he’s had as bad a season as everyone claims. When a player doesn’t fit the mould, there isn’t much you can do but blame the people who signed him. Even though he regularly looked off the pace, he still netted 9 league goals, winning some crucial games, which isn’t a terrible return given the opportunities he’s had. Still a very good player and it looks like we’ll recoup most of the money we spent on him.

19th July

Sorry for not venting my apoplectic rage against the England Cricket Team yesterday, I was at a graduation. So today, apoplectic rage...or just mild irritation since it's blisteringly hot.

Pakistan Triumphant

After humbling Sri Lanka, England might have thought that this summer would be a breeze, and that they would sweep aside Pakistan as easily as they would Sri Lanka. Sadly, this is not what happened. Well in truth, it's not sad at all, since Pakistan, being a far better side than Sri Lanka, gave England one of the best examples of why test match cricket is the best in the business. This was test match cricket at its absolute finest. Two reasonably evenly matched sides, going blow for blow for five (or in this case four) days, and we didn't know who was going to win until the last hour or so of Sunday, although Pakistan had the edge for most of the final day. 

Part of why this match made me angry is, in truth, part of what made it such compelling cricket. It wasn't incredible because these were two sides playing out of their skins, but because neither of them were perfect and both the strengths and weaknesses of both of these sides were on full display as a flawed, gritty and utterly engaging four days of cricket exposed. Pakistan have some world class players, as Misbah showed on the first day, Yasir Shah showed on the second and Wahab Riaz to an extent showed on the fourth. But they were horribly inconsistent. Misbah was hot in the first innings, but embarrassingly cold in the second. Yasir Shah, so dangerous on Day Two as he ripped through England, was largely a bit part player on the final day. England are a bowling side of utter quality, as they were able to carry Finn, barely bowl their spinner in the first innings and missing Jimmy Anderson and Ben Stokes, were still able to rip through Pakistan's batting order, Chris Woakes the man of the match with an exceptional 11-102 and Stuart Broad chipping in. 

In truth, 339 and 215 should have been nowhere enough to win this test match. But the inherent fragility of this England batting line up, particularly but not limited to, the sloppy middle order, reared its ugly head as they slumped to 272 and 207. And that would have been fine if Pakistan had produced two bowling displays of utter quality, to have ripped through England with sublime pace and skill. But Wahab Riaz and Mohammed Amir, the two big name pace bowlers, were wayward and very poor for large swathes of the match. In the first innings, each of Pakistan's three left armers took one wicket and none of them deserved more than that. And in the second, Rahat Ali was able to take three wickets whilst bowling about five good balls in that period. Yasir, despite being absolutely phenomenal all test match, should not have been allowed to take ten wickets for 141. 

Simply put, England played suicidal cricket. Poor shot selection, poor execution, and poor ability to deal with pressure all played their part in making the test match so compelling, but also served to infuriate, as England could have made what was an utterly fantastic final day even better, had they at the very least got closer to the 283 runs that Pakistan set them to win, and to be honest, should have put more pressure on Pakistan's first innings total. 

If I sound like I'm taking away from Pakistan then I'm not, because they absolutely deserved to win. England were the better bowling side but Misbah's first innings hundred was the decisive blow struck with the bat, and Pakistan were superior with the bat in both innings. But the point remains that at multiple crucial points in the match, England acted completely boneheadedly. Joe Root stands as a glaringly obvious perpetrator. He was fuming with himself for playing a ridiculous sweep shot on 48, with England in total control of their first innings, exposing a fragile middle order of Vince and Ballance to Shah, who was causing Root no problems. But then, he did something similar in the second innings, playing a shockingly loose and unnecessary pull shot to get himself out. Hales and Vince were just as bad chasing the game, playing sloppy cut shots they should have been leaving well alone.

To Bairstow and Ballance's credit in the second innings, they both played much better. They worked out how Shah had gotten them out in the first innings and played him excellently, until they both made small errors that Shah punished brilliantly. But when Ballance leaned across and the ball shot across him to take his leg stump, and Moeen Ali came to the crease, his rush of blood was unforgivable. Dancing down the crease to Shah after two balls, only to have his bails dislodged. At 139-5, England had a chance, with two recognised batsmen at the crease. With Moeen gone, they stood no chance. Bairstow and Woakes made a good fist of it, engaging Wahab and Yasir in arguably the best passage of cricket in the entire match, as the two batsmen and two bowlers all brought their A+ game and it made for a fantastic battle. 

Overall, my sense coming out of this test match is overwhelming frustration. England should have won this match, but they threw it away. Every time they had the momentum, they let Pakistan take it back, although Pakistan deserve a lot of credit for the way they kept wrestling back control. Adil Rashid, James Anderson and Ben Stokes are all in the squad for Old Trafford and I would expect all three of them to play (assuming Anderson is fit). Jake Ball and Steven Finn will both almost certainly be dropped, and hopefully Moeen Ali will be too, although James Vince couldn't have any complaints if he was dropped too. 

So England will either line up:
Cook, Hales, Root, Vince, Ballance, Bairstow, Stokes, Woakes, Rashid, Broad, Anderson

Cook, Hales, Root, Ballance, Bairstow, Stokes, Moeen, Woakes, Rashid, Broad, Anderson.

And for me both have their ups and downs. But England need to find a strong and more importantly consistent middle order, if they want to beat Pakistan in this series, as, frankly, they should. 

The Hard and Fast Section

• What a performance from Henrik Stenson. 
• Wjnaldum?? Give me a break. 
• Amazing stuff from Kyle Edmund. GB win.
• Russia and the Olympics. What a mess. 

17th July - Part Three

And in today's other set of player ratings, I've brought in Palace fan Su...

Crystal Palace Player Ratings

Wayne Hennessey 4/10: Yes, yes I’m going to be harsh on this one. Despite keeping 8 clean sheets for us last season, Hennessey has let in some absolute shockers. With Speroni seemingly fit and performing in cup games, it baffled me that we still stuck with Hennessey. I can only hope he will take his new found quality from the Euros and actually learn how to catch an incoming shot. I’ll reserve my judgements and let’s just say I’m more than delighted that we have signed Mandanda…

Scott Dann 7.9/10 (Really Su? Really?): My favourite player from 2014/15 season has definitely had another brilliant one. I’m giving him a 7.9 because Bolasie has been marginally better. Honestly, what would we do without Scott Dann? Defensively he has been exceptional and we owe most of our set pieces to him and Cabaye. If it were up to me I would have made him captain ahead of Jedinak. There are a few players we have who are naturally talented and a few who undoubtedly work hard and are passionate about the club. Scott Dann is a player who has both of those qualities and more. Going forward we need to keep hold of players like him in order to advance and be more than just a mid-bottom table team.

Joel Ward 6.5/10: Another talented defender for us who bangs in the occasional goal and assist although not as effective as Dann, I’m pleased with his season overall.

Adrian Mariappa 3/10: Not much to say on this one except for the fact we did the right thing by not offering him a new contract.

Pape Souare 6/10: I’m sure many would disagree with me on this one but I feel Souare has been alright. I wouldn’t say he has been brilliant but I think he gets a lot of slack. (Admittedly that tackle against Watford was God Damn awful) He has had a few good games running down the wing and disrupting play. We definitely have better defensive players than him but regardless, he gets a 6 from me.

Damien Delaney 6.5/10: A total Veteran for us, you don’t just get a solid Centre Back with him but you also get a bit of character. Given the fact he is 34 years of age, he has been superb for us last season, doing the dirty work as well as banging in the occasional goal. However, he does sometimes take the dirty work a little too far and it isn’t always beneficial to have a hot headed centre back.

Martin Kelly 6/10: Not our most glamourous defender but has been solid most of the times when he gets game time.

Yohan Cabaye 7/10: Unequivocally the best looking player for us, the arrival of Cabs has been fantastic for the club. He proved himself to be a top class penalty taker as well as putting in all those all-important crosses. Quite frankly I can’t believe he decided to join Palace in the first place, Pard must have put in a good word and I love him for it.

Yannick Bolasie 8/10: Absolutely outstanding and player of the year for me (just ahead of Scott Dann). Yala has more or less carried us forward all season scoring important goals and making important runs. He has proved to be a real nuisance for opposition midfields and defenders too which I can’t complain about. His contribution to the highs of our season is definitely second to none. During his absence we dropped 7 places in the Premier League table. All I can say is I hope he doesn’t pull a Delph on us and leave, I’d be genuinely heartbroken.

Wilfried Zaha 7.5/10: It’s been a rollercoaster with this one but as any Palace fan would say, it’s been brilliant to have Wilf back. He has played some fantastic football for us, making decent runs and taking out defenders with his 5-star skill moves. Lack of an outright strikers means that most of these chances Wilf has created has sadly seldom been converted. However, I am optimistic that he will continue his good spell and do well for us.

Lee Chung-Young 5/10: He’s been okay I guess. Although that goal against Stoke was pretty good!

Mile Jedinak 5.5/10: I feel like such a traitor for saying this about my club captain but it’s becoming more and more evident that he isn’t the player he used to be anymore. He had some more than questionable tackles and I think in order to avoid relegation in the foreseeable future, we need to find a suitable replacement in that midfield area. Although I have to say I’ve thoroughly enjoyed him and Ledley’s matching beards.

James McArthur 5/10: Might be a controversial one but he has been underwhelming for me this season. Also unlucky with injuries but overall not hugely impressive.

Jordan Mutch 3/10: Honestly don’t even know where to start with this one. You know that sinking feeling you get when you’re leading in Mario Kart but get red shelled then blue shelled meters away from the finishing line and end up going from first to fifth in the matter of seconds? That’s how I feel when we’re 1-0 down and Pard decides to bring on Jordan Mutch. In that moment all hope is lost and it’s all over. That pretty Mutch sums it up for me. (Pun intended.)

Bakary Sako 6/10: A player who is always looking to create or convert chances, I’ve overall enjoyed watching and having Sako last season. I hope he continues to develop and fulfil his true potential.

Joe Ledley 6/10: Although he is one of our less exciting midfielders, Ledley has been one of the more solid players for us last season. Like Hennessey, I hope his momentum from the Euros carries over to the new PL season.

Jason Puncheon 7.5/10: Definitely one of the better players we’ve had this season, always energetic and a joy to watch. His goal against Norwich and again in the Fa Cup Final brought me and I’m sure many others to tears. Not to mention his clear passion for the club, I don’t have many bad words to say about the guy.  Despite his age, I thoroughly believe he has another good season left in him.

Patrick Bamford N/A / 10: What!? He played 9 games?

Fraizer Campbell 4/10: Meh.

Dwight Gayle 6/10: Our humble servant since being promoted into the PL, I’m sad to see Gayle go. But with the increasing quality of Premier League teams and players, I’m afraid he is a championship player at best. However, I wish Pard had played him more this season, the times he did get game time he proved himself on the scoresheet.

Connor Wickham 6/10: He gets my sympathy vote on this one. Having found his form in December but subsequently cruelly fell off form due to a thigh injury, I have high hopes for him next season.

Emmanuel Adebayor 5/10: When we signed Adebayor in January, I was OVER THE MOON. We desperately needed a striker and although Adebayor wouldn’t have been my first choice, it was a step in the right direction. He brought a sense of excitement for sure but his fitness and apathetic attitude was a problem I for one wanted to ignore.

Well I shouldn’t have. As expected, Adebayor didn’t deliver, 9/10 for false hope but I’ll give him a reasonable 5.

Marouane Chamakh 4/10: The greatest forward we’ve had on par with Yaya Sanogo. Let’s just say I am happy to see him go and wish him all the best, I’ll miss your weird haircuts!